……I’m going to give you all a very fair warning, this fic was made out of complete boredom. I’ve been seeing all these hilarious fics with fans interviewing random anime characters, so I thought I’d try to make my own.

Okay, I’ll be blunt here, yes; it will have me and my friends as the interviewers. Yes; there will be glomping. Yes; there will be crack humor. Yes; there will be yoai implications. NO; there will NOT be any OC/Canon Chars pairs!!!!! Just character obsessing. But to everyone’s relief (or utter horror) there WILL be implied pairings.

This fic is just going to be one huge crossover; including anime’s that are both popular and not that well known…….With a crazy hostess >.>…..and her also crazy friends..^.^;

Awright!! It’s now time to find out which anime will go through the first round of torture!! And that anime will be….one of the most popular in the world….Fullmetal Alchemist!!! BOOYAH!!!

And who will be the one to suffer…? Of course, the ever so popular (and short)…….EDWARD ELRIC!!!!!!!

A/N: “Hi-san/chan/etc.” is pronounced as “Hee-san” in this fic.

A/N2: This is just a prologue; the real interview will start in the next chapter.

Disclaimer: Eh?! FMA doesn’t belong to me?! Damn it…..Oh yeah, it belongs to the ever so fortunate Hiromu Arakawa, lucky gal…..

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For the very first time in his life, Edward Elric had never been more confused.

It had only been a minute ago when he was in the baka Taissa’s office having a spat about how he and Al got another false lead on the Philosopher’s Stone, and Roy was reprimanding him about using the military funds….and of course bringing up his height issue.

Edward’s face formed a scowl at the memory, but it quickly faded into one of complete confusion. Mainly ‘cause of the building he was trapp- er…brought in. To be blunt, it was huge. It seemed to be some sort of theatre, but not so fancy looking and instead of wrappers everywhere, it was spotless, and quite large. It was obvious a professional did the cleaning. Whoever the hell it was. Not that he wanted to know.

But he was soon brought abruptly out of his thoughts as the sound of four pairs of scuffling feet, limbs crashing into the ground and the mutter of vulgar cursing.

Ed’s eyes widened slightly. Never in his life had he heard such foul language, not even from himself.

He was once again brought out of those thoughts once again as one of the supposed four figures spoke.

“Oi, KS-chan…..” The voice was rough, but it was definitely female.

“Uhg….Yeah..?” Also female and far more of a smooth voice than the previous.

“Could you please do me a favor?” the voice asked sweetly, maybe too sweetly….

Ed shivered, that sounded way too nice to be real.

“Um…Sure…?” the second said hesitantly.

“Could you please……..”

Silence.

Ed had a baaaaaaaad feeling about it…..

“….GET THE FUCK OFFA ME!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“AHHHH!!!!”

Well, what’d you know..?

Ed winced at the mega-loud screech, covering his ears in haste. If he hadn’t, I there was a high possibility he could have gone deaf. Uncovering his ears, he glared in the direction the rough voice came from. He was soooo gonna murder that girl, no matter who it was.

“Kel-Kel! Calm down!!!” Another female.

“No! I will NOT calm down if she doesn’t get the hell offa me!!!.........AND DON’T CALL ME KEL-KEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“ I AM OFF YOU!!”

“GOOD!”

“Hi-san! Calm down!!!” Another voice spoke up, also female, and much calmer than “Hi-san”.

A deep breath.” Okay, okay, I’m calm…….Damn it’s pitch black in here…SOMEONE TURN ON THE DAMN LIGHTS PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!”

Ed sweatdropped at the chaos, plans of revenge against the rough-voiced girl still forming in the back of his head…..

The plans paused for a minute as bright lights from above made him go blind for a second. Once he regained his sight back, he noticed four girls a few yards away from him. He observed them.

The first one that caught his attention was the tallest one there. He pouted angrily realizing she was taller than him. Damn it…Anyway, She seemed to be about 5’7”, she had a slightly dark shade of tan for skin color, had very curly dark brown hair pulled back in a low ponytail and dark brown eyes. She had a slim figure. She was wearing faded out jeans, wearing a light blue shirt underneath a dark blue unzipped jacket and normal tennis shoes. The shirt also said, “I :Heart: Lemons”. He scratched his head, what the hell were lemons?

His smoldering eyes turned to the next tallest one, she seemed about 5’6”, had lightly pale skin, curly midback dirty brown/blonde hair also pulled back in a low ponytail. She also had a slim figure. She was wearing a tan shirt a rearing horse on it, blue jeans, and a red jacket wrapped around her waist also with normal tennis shoes. She also had periwinkle eyes covered by her glasses. Her shirt said, “Kurama’s Sweetheart”

Then he turned to the third tallest, he’d say she was about 5’5”. She was stockier than the former, but definitely NOT fat. She had waist long brown hair that was let down and ale skin. She also had bright blue eyes behind glasses. She had a baggy brown Shirt under a black jacket that said “Green Day” on it over a heart shaped bomb and wearing black combat boots. Her shirt said “I :Heart: Sam”

Then his gaze turned to the last and shortest one. He grinned inwardly; there was FINALLY someone shorter than him!!!! She was about 5’1”, and had a very petite figure and reddish brown hair up in a high ponytail, if it had been let down it was probably about midback. She had dark brown eyes that had a tint of green to them, making them seem hazel. On her nose and cheekbones she had light freckles scattered all over. He looked at her more clearly, damn! Was that girl a friggin stick, she had absolutely NO chest!!!! She was wearing a navy blue T-shirt over a long-sleeved black turtle neck and dark blue baggy jeans and black and purple tennis shoes.

His eyebrows furrowed together, how old was this girl…? The others looked about 14 or 15, but this girl…?

Suddenly, she spoke, “Oi, you just keep staring like an idiot, or are ya gonna say something?” she spat out annoyed.

His eyes widened, then narrowed. He recognized that voice….! In anger, he stomped up to her and yelled in her face, “How dare you make the Fullmetal Alchemist Edward Elric, nearly lose his hearing!?!?!”

Her small body nearly went flying at the force of his yell, but she regained her composure and glared at him, “Well! Who the hell do you think YOU are, yelling at me for no fuckin reason!?” She screeched back at him. Sheesh!!! What an ego!!!!

He glared back and screamed, “I WASN’T THE ONE YELLING LIKE A LUNATIC!!!!!!!!!!!”

You could see sparks flying between the two, their argument was so intense.

“WELL, YOU ARE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

He opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. She did have a good point, as much as he hated to admit it.

His head hung down in defeat, blue swiggly lines over his head.

The red-haired loudmouth smirked in victory.

It turned into a straight line in shock at three exclaims said at the same time with the same word,

“EDWARD!!!!!!”

It had appeared that the last three were in holding in their, “Must-glomp-the-shemxy-beast” and just couldn’t it in any longer. So now, all three were practically dashing to poor Ed.

Well, they would have, if a certain redhead hadn’t gotten in the way….

With a flat look on her face, the redhead stuck her foot out, making them….

BLAM!

…Trip.

“AH! Hi-chan! You’re mean!” The curly brown haired one snapped.

“Hi-chan” Glared at her, “It’s Hi-san, to you. And that’s just too damn bad.”

“Gee, what a great friend you are.” The straight brown haired said sarcastically

“Hi-chan” grinned devilishly, “Thanks, I’m flattered, really!”

“Evil….” The dirty brown/blonde muttered. “Hi-chan” just smirked.

What was Ed doing this entire time? Wouldn’t we all love to know…? Perhaps doing something naughty in the next room..? 0.0

Nah, I’m kidding. Ed was staring at the whole ordeal, mouth wide open, wide eyes, and a giant sweatdrop going down his temple.

It soon turned into a vein. Why won’t anyone tell him what the hell was going on?!?!?!

Soon enough, he had to let it all out, “WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!?!?!?”

They all turned to look at him. It was silence until all three turned to the redhead expectantly. She scowled at them and growled under her breath.  Then when she looked up to look at Ed he was slightly shocked to see her face devoid of all emotion. But it didn’t last long as a mischievous smirk curled on her lips. He shivered inwardly; he did not like that expression….

“Well, you’ve just been invited for the very first interview of Anime Otaku. A new show that has a very intelligent host ask random anime characters like yourself, “Edward was even more confused than before. Anime? Otaku? Random? What the fuck!?  

“And…who are these four “hosts”?” He asked slowly.

She scoffed at him, “You’re looking at them.” The other three gave peace signs.

He stared at her blankly, “You. An interviewer. Interviewer my ass! How old are you anyway?”

A vein throbbed violently on her temple and her left eyebrow twitched, “How old do you think I am…?” She asked quietly. The other three scooted away; they didn’t want to be involved in the explosion ready to happen…

Ed started to regret asking, “Um…about ten years? I know the other three are about 13 or 14.”

Her whole body started twitching. When she didn’t respond, her friends knew she was about to lose it. They backed up cautiously.

Soon enough…..

“TEN!?!?!?!? TEN!?!?! YOU SHRIMPY BASTARD!!!!! I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I AM A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST HAPPEN TO BE SEVERLY HIEIGHT DISABLED FOR MY AGE!!!!!!!!!!! BUT SO ARE YOU, YOU BLOND IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!”

She was thrashing around so much all three of her friends were just barely able to hold her back. It looked as if she were about to kill somebody. Mainly a certain blond with a random antenna on his head….

Needless to say, Ed was pretty damn shocked; he didn’t even react to the height insult. Sure, he did always overreact when someone made a smart-aleck comment about his…..Height issues, but he never reacted in such a violent way!....okay, yeah he did, but let’s not go there…

A few minutes later…

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“Calmly, breathe calmly…….” The curly-brown haired one said slowly.

“Hi-chan” gave her a flat look and smacked her hands away.

“Aw! You hurt my paws!!” She whimpered, her hands limping in a begging position. “Hi-chan” rolled her eyes.

“Would you PLEASE tell me what the hell your names are..?!” Ed forced out, he was starting to get really irritated.

“MeowMeow!!” the curly-brown haired one answered.

“Kurama’s Sweetheart, or KS-chan!” the dirty blonde/brown answered, a small blush gracing her features. MeowMeow and “Hi-chan” pretended gag behind her.

“Inu-Ka” The dark brown haired one said, her eyes were a little glazed over, as if she was thinking about something else, or someone….

“Hi-chan” and KS-chan rolled their eyes.

“Higatsuku, or Hi-kun, which ever. I don’t really care” The last one shrugged.

His eyebrow twitched, there was no way in hell those were their real names, “So, Hi-kun, would you mind telling me why I’m here? Since you seem to be the mastermind of this scheme…”

She gave him a blank look, “Dude, I just told you. You’re here for an interview! And before you ask, I’M the one interviewing you. Not them, they have their own jobs to do.” She said pointing her thumb at her friends.

“I’m in charge of taking pictures” Inu-Ka informed holding a digital camera in her hand.

“I take care of bringing people in and taping the show” said KS-chan. So SHE was the one who brought him here! Someone was gonna die in their slee…..

“I ask the perverted questions!” MeowMeow answered all-too happily. Ed sweatdropped and was starting to turn blue in the face. The other three gave her annoyed looks.

“Anyway…let’s just get on with this, Ed, sit down already” She pointed to a desk and a small couch, not too different from the baka Colonel’s, he grudgingly noticed as he sat down on the couch, Higatsuku sat down at the desk.

She suddenly sighed and rubbed her temples, “Prepare yourself Ed” she warned as she put ear plugs in her ears. Ed raised a gold brow. What the…?

“EDWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“I LOVE YOU ED!!!!!!”

“HE’S MINE, BITCH!!!!!!”

“NO, MIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!!!!!”

Ah, that’s why….

Poor Ed went deaf for a few minutes.

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…And the madness begins! XD

I hope Ed wasn’t too OOC, he’s just so hard to put into words! Truly!

Tell me what you think about my OC’s, I hope they don’t seem like Mary-Sues. O.O  

I will have sooooooo much fun torturing Edo-chan in the next chap, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Coughyoudidn’thearthatcCough)

Also, tell me in your reviews what questions you want answered by Edo, they can be about anything, yoai, incest, het, whatever, I WILL make sure I’ll put it in the next chapter.

You can also email me what questions you want answered.

-Teh Hi-kun has left the building!